How To Get Out Of Your Dead End Marriage In 2020

As we prepare to enter into a new decade, we are inundated with questions of what the new year will bring.

Will it be a good year? Or will it be worse?

Perhaps, you feel as though your marriage is hanging by a shred. Or perhaps, you’re living in autopilot. Day in and day out, you just run through the motions of “married life” but feel absolutely no sense of fulfilment. You even feel guilty about having these thoughts so you bury them, along with yourself into the mundane hustle and bustle. What if I told you that you could get out of your dead end marriage?

Now wait a minute, before packing your bags, KEEP READING!

It’s not what you think–I’m not suggesting you should leave your spouse. That would be TOO easy…

Sit tight, grab a pen and paper, and take some notes:

What if I told you that YOU have the power to SAVE your marriage? Yes, it IS possible. (I see that eye-roll in the spirit 😝)

Before I go further. I’ll add an important DISCLAIMER; it is important to recognize that it DOES take TWO to make a marriage work. This post focuses on things YOU can do to initiate the spark of change in your marriage.

I promise if you’ll just hang around a bit longer, you might just get a little inspired.

Now listen, whether you’re at the end of your rope or you’re barely existing—-there IS hope! The change starts with YOU! I want you to think of the year 2020 as a year of 20/20 VISION and CLARITY.

If you could see what your marriage should look like, what would you see?

Before finding all your spouse’s record of wrongs, do an introspective look. Chances are, if things are where they are at, you’ve stopped contributing at some point. Even if your spouse hasn’t been the best Godly example, YOU can be!

Start seeing your marriage with the eyes of FAITH, and allow the Holy Spirit to begin a work inside of YOU first. You are the catalyst that will kickstart your relationship to new heights. Growth is a human need; when you stop growing, death becomes inevitable. Begin investing into your marriage.

Here are just a few practical ways to start:

✏️Couples that pray together—STAY together—and their bond grows stronger. A three fold cord is not easily broken! (Eccl. 4:12). Make the first move! She will LOVE IT. Nothing turns a woman on like a Godly LEADER! When you pray together, you discover who the real enemy is–and it’s NOT your spouse! If you would be honest with yourself, had this been a regular practice from the beginning of your marriage, it’s likely that you would be at a much better place today.

✏️Be grateful! Every morning when you wake up, make it your priority to thank God for everything that comes to mind. Journal about it! As you do, your mind will be flooded with more things to be thankful for. Focus on all the good qualities in your spouse and ask God to help you be the best spouse you can be. Pray for his heart. Pray that God will soften his heart and be responsive to the purpose God has for him. God will give you the grace to love your imperfect spouse just as God loves imperfect you.

✏️Take up a new activity or hobby together —YOU make the first move to initiate it. Maybe they already have a hobby, but you’ve never joined him. How about asking him to go on a fishing trip together? Surprise him…he will surprise YOU.

✏️Find new and exciting ways to bring your spouse joy—remember the small things, like doing the dishes or taking out the trash without being asked 😉 (yes, she will notice, BIG TIME). Start taking notes on things she really loves. Be a spouse detective! Maybe she’s had her eye on that red vase at the Home Sense store. Why not pick it up for her–and don’t wait for a special event or holiday. Do it on a regular day. YOU make that day special.

✏️Commit to regular date nights. Find a different place every time. And keep the conversation on you two as a couple—keep work, family life, the children etc out of it! This is time to focus on YOUR SPOUSE. TELL him how much he means to you….he NEEDS to hear it! Tell him how much you appreciate his hard work. Tell him how handsome he is. This is your time to honour him and praise him.

✏️Go to bed at the SAME time, if at all possible—if not—schedule DAILY snuggle time together (you can thank me later😝)

This is by no means an exhaustive list, but I promise you, if you take the initiative to make these changes, positive change is POSSIBLE!!

So get out of your dead end marriage, and start resurrecting together as the couple God wants you to be!

#makingmarriagegreatagain #marriageresolutions #newyearsresolution2020

What Is Your Marriage Identity?

Chances are, you’re familiar with the old adage, “Tell me who you’re with and I’ll tell you who you are”…

There is a lot of truth in this statement, when examined closer. Have you noticed that you start picking up behaviours of people you spend a lot of time with? This is because you begin to IDENTIFY with them.

It’s the same reason we guard our children’s friendships—and we are certainly justified by scripture: 1 Corinthians 15:33 tell us that

Bad company corrupts good character

How do we apply this principle in our marriages? Well, let’s address this from the root, shall we? If this statement is true, which it IS, then by following this logic, we ought to spend the MOST time with CHRIST! When we spend time with Him, we identify with Him and we become LIKE Him.

In John 15:5 Jesus says:

I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.

If you want to start living the way Christ intended, which is to bring forth much fruit (Galatians 5), you need to ABIDE in Him.

The top two definitions of the word abide, are:

1: To remain stable or fixed

2: To continue in a place

Our ultimate goal for our marriages is to reflect Christ on earth (Ephesians 5:32). In order to reflect God’s glory and become like Christ, we must continually remain STABLE or FIXED on Him, and CONTINUE in this PLACE. The more we do this, the more our character is shaped into His identity, and our marriages begin to look, act and sound like Jesus!

#makingmarriagegreatagain #christianmarriages #investinginourmarriage

Is Money The Number One Reason Why Couples Divorce? The Answer Might Surprise You…

We hear the mantra all the time, “the number one reason why people divorce is because of money”…

I respectfully disagree. Money, like many other things in life is a RESOURCE. 1 Timothy 6:10 sets the record straight:

For the LOVE OF money is a root of all kinds of evil.

Money in itself, is not evil, as many have been MISled to believe. The way we misuse money is a strong indication of a deeper heart condition—and I’m not talking about biology here!

The reason couples get funny about money is due to a spiritual misalignment that misguides their emotions. When emotions are misguided, it affects our decision making.

Greed, selfishness and pride manifest in money mismanagement, which leads to (not shockingly)all sorts of trouble in paradise!

Greed says, “I want what I want and I want it now”.

Selfishness says “I don’t care what my spouse thinks, this makes ME happy, so I’m going to do it”.

Pride says, “I am justified in doing what I want to do, and I don’t see any other way”.

Deep in our core, the spirit of greed, selfishness and pride find little cracks to sneak in and cloud our better judgement. Before long, we confuse wants with needs and we justify bad spending habits to fill the wounds of dissatisfaction.

First, we need to get our hearts to a place of healing. This only comes from the grace of God. Only then will our emotions come into alignment with the will of God in our spending habits—and ultimately our marriages. Next, comes spiritual maturity, which highly depends on WISDOM.

Wisdom is key when it comes to money management. The Bible tells us in Ezekiel 28:4

By your wisdom and understanding You have acquired riches for yourself And have acquired gold and silver for your treasuries.

Where wisdom reigns, prosperity and wealth follow.

Don’t allow a hardened heart to block your marriage blessing. Allow your heart to marinate in the Presence of God and His infinite wisdom, that will ultimately lead to spiritual, emotional and financial success.

#moneyadvice #divorceproof #makingmarriagegreatagain

How To Turn Your Marriage Around Using Your Speech

In our shallow generation of plurality and self-gratification, as a culture, we have lost the significance of the power of speech. How quickly we forget that it was through the power of the Word that everything was thought, spoken and created.

In all of history, this twenty-first century is the most loose-tongued people of all time! It’s no surprise that our world is in such chaos, and you don’t hear things like “my word is my bond” anymore. We are inundated by broken promises, pre-nups, haphazard platitudes and forgotten vows. As a result, marriages and families have become the greatest casualties.

The Word of God that birthed all of creation reminds us in

Proverbs 18:21:

“Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof.”

God has literally given us keys that give us the power to shape our quality of life! It’s in our TONGUE!

James 3:4-5 says:

“Behold also the ships, which though they be so great, and are driven of fierce winds, yet are they turned about with a very small helm, whithersoever the governor listeth. Even so the tongue is a little member, and boasteth great things. Behold, how great a matter a little fire kindleth!”

WOW!

Did you catch that?

Your tongue is what steers your life! When you speak life into your marriage, that’s exactly what you get! How often do we catch ourselves speaking according to our circumstances—and head straight into disaster? Instead, when we master using our tongue as a rudder, we are able to literally steer our marriage into the direction that God has designed from the foundation of the earth! (Psalm 139:16)

This is why it’s important to spend time in the secret place with Jesus and allow Him to reveal His plans to us. He has bestowed such a great power over His beloved ones—speech!

When He shares His plans with us, we then have the choice to SPEAK them into being. We are co-heirs with Christ to co-create our destinies as Kingdom Couples to bring Him glory. (Romans 8:17)

What an honour!

What are you speaking over your marriage? Life or death?

#lifeanddeathareinthepowerofthetongue #speaklifechallenge #makingmarriagegreatagain

One Of The Deepest Human Needs That Keeps The Fire Burning In Your Marriage

Do you remember when you first met your spouse? The firey emotions…the late night phone calls…the day dreaming?

Somehow, it began fading shortly after the honey moon, and for some, after the first child was born.

What happened?

We aren’t meant to live off our emotions—but we cannot neglect them altogether. God gave us emotions for a reason.

One of man’s deepest needs is for discovery. It’s one of the reasons God wants us to press into Him, and to know Him more each day. You never quite fully know Him. There’s always more to discover. It’s the same with our relationships. We are meant to discover each other, deeper and deeper.

In the beginning stages of courtship, everything is so new and exciting because you are both learning about each other. But it’s not until you reach a point where you feel as though you know everything about that person that the excitement starts to wear off.

Right?

This can be easily changed by changing your mind set.

Once you understand that you’ll never FULLY know the person you’re with, you’ll want to spend the rest of your life pursuing them and knowing them in an even DEEPER way.

Believe me, you’ll never stop learning, if you accept the fact that there’s always more to learn. It’s the only way you’ll GROW together!

Many believers behave this way on their walk with Christ. They reach a place of “I-know-it-all” and suddenly fall out of burning passion for Christ, and slip a state of self-righteous boredom.

Yup.

You see, it’s only the ones who are humble and honest enough to recognize the limitlessness of God and pursue Him daily, and choose to NEVER stop knowing Him MORE that truly experience an exciting, powerful-filled Christian life.

Now, if marriage reflects Christ and His Church, it isn’t a stretch to see the parallel here!

Don’t stop dating—don’t stop discovering each other!

#makingmarriagegreatagain #neverstopdatingyourspouse #investinmarriage

Are You Ready To Call It Quits On Him?

So you’ve done everything in your power, Sis, and he’s only getting worse; you are ready to call it quits…

Chances are, you’ve done your part—in fact, you’ve gone over and beyond. You are at your breaking point. And he’s only getting worse. He’s more selfish than ever. He doesn’t seem to care how you feel, and the more you invest in your marriage, the more he seems to push back…

Now you’re ready to throw in the towel. Your cup is empty. You’re in pain. You’re jaded, broken, and almost at the point of being numb.

You’ve heard every good piece of advice, but by now, it all sounds cliche.

Been there, done that. All hope is lost.

I hear you, Sis.

I’m not here to tell you some “quick-fix” trick that’s going to magically fix him, or your marriage. But I am here to tell you there is hope.

Before rolling your eyes, just open your heart. The reason you are jaded and hurt is because you’ve done all the right things—and gone beyond your physical abilities. As a Godly wife, it’s important to discern when you get to the end of yourself, and where the Holy Spirit steps in. Our relationship with Christ is a collaborative one. It’s not one where you do all the work—neither is it one where God does all the work! Too many times, I’ve heard women say “I’ve put it all in God’s hands”…*sigh* “He is in control”…and they simply wait for God to magically change the situation without any effort on their part.

WRONG, Sis!

The truth, as in most cases, is somewhere in the middle. Our relationship with Christ is like breathing—when you exhale—you give, when you inhale—you receive the grace of Christ.

What am I saying?

There is a time to step out in faith and be the Proverbs 31 woman, in action—but there is a time you reach the end of your human ability and you surrender to Christ’s leading. Together you produce synergy. There is a constant refuelling that happens. But this all begins in the secret place.

Alone.

In your prayer closet.

Just you and God.

Be broken before Him. Let it all out. Allow yourself to soak in His Presence—so He can download His Holy Spirit power and knowledge in you. It is only out of that overflow that you will have the ability to TRULY love as 1 Corinthians 13 teaches.

Have you given up? It’s time to #letgoandletgodrefuelyou

#makeyourmarriagegreatagain #investinyourmarriage

How To Find Peace In Your Marriage

Have you ever been in a situation where you desperately need God’s guidance? How do you get it?

First off, you need to have intimacy with God in order to hear His voice. This happens by spending time with Him in the secret place. Where you spend alone time with God, seeking His face. It’s an atmosphere of total surrender and desperate longing for Him. It is where you choose to die to your flesh to step into your kingdom identity as you soak in His Presence.

When you get to that place, as a believer in Christ, you have access to boldly approach the King, Abba Father, to make known your requests. It’s a place where you can ask Him for His wisdom and guidance. You can present your case to Him and He will begin to speak to your spirit.

It’s a place where God will speak a rhema Word (spoken Word) over you. He gives you a glimpse of what has already transpired in the spirit realm so that you can receive it and speak it. It’s the place where you come into agreement with what was written in your book before the foundations of the earth in heaven concerning your destiny (Psalm 139:16).

In this place, power is unleashed, and God’s peace beyond understanding is deposited inside of you regarding your circumstance. No matter what things look like in physical reality, the Word God drops in your spirit overrides what your physical eyes see and you instead begin to see by faith!

When you BOTH pursue God in the secret place, just imagine the power that can be unleashed in your marriage! Because when two agree touching anything on earth (Matthew 18:19)…you become an unstoppable force!

What are you seeking God for today? Are you lacking peace? Choose to step into the secret place with your King. Come into agreement with your spouse, declare what you know and watch your life transform!

#makeyourmarriagegreatagain #thesecretplace #thecouplethatpraystogetherstaystogether